Friday, October 23, 2009

The Item

My palms were sweaty, my eyes shifty. I quickly snatched the item before anyone had a chance to notice. Power walked to the front of the store, head down, shifting the item into the crook of my arm, trying to be discreet I made my way to the check out stands. Mind racing.. "Do I know her?" "What are they looking at?"

Aimed for just the right cashier who would understand. "Don't make eye contact, argh.. accidentally made eye contact". Awkwardness while waiting for it to be scanned, and shuffled into the bag.

"Not the plastic bag!" Took the see through bag and wrapped the handles around it, so the contents weren't quite as visible. Dashed to my car. Shifted the item to the hood of the car, while fumbling for my keys. "Dang this enormous purse!". Opened the door. Ah, safe, snug inside the car, breathed a sigh of relief. I did it.

What item am I referring to? Perhaps a female product? A naughty video tape? A Donny Osmond cassette? No, far worse.

I ventured into the store and spotted a Snuggie on sale. Knowing that my cousin's birthday was fast approaching, and realizing that it would not only be funny, but probably functional. I grabbed it. But then I felt the eyes on me. In fact at one point a random stranger came up to me, gave me the "thumbs up", and said "The snuuuhgie" in his best surfer boy tone. And walked off smirking.

What had I done? Should I put it back? No, I've come this far, I'm finishing this. Luckily the recipients were amused and entertained. What they should realize, is that the true gift was loving them enough to go through the Snuggie Gauntlet. Not everyone is prepared for that kind of trauma.


mydailyretreat said...

this was so funny and i can totally relate. i felt the same way when i purchased mine. :)

Caroline said...

You are hilarious! I love that you bought a snuggie and people made fun of you. Although I would be embaressed to buy one - it would be AWESOME to have.