Update

So, I have been here, there, and everywhere this week. I have been trying to keep up with this lil' online journal of mine, but I have been a busy lil' bee too.

I've been photographing..

Working out..

(Kristen and me after our trip around the Vita Course in Murray.)

And prepping for Halloween..

More on all of this later. Excuse me if I pop in and out next week. Happy Weekend!

Move over Beyonce

zumba (zoom-ba)

A fast paced Latin dance exercise class. (Beware if you are an uncoordinated white girl.)

I actually had a lot of fun. It was a quick hour of exercise that was an awesome workout. But if you were to spy on the class, I would stick out like a sore thumb. I just don't get how those Latina women can move their hips, their arms, their legs, and hands all at the same time. They make it look so easy. And I make it look so.. well nerdy. That's okay I had fun trying to channel my inner Shakira.

But I think it goes without saying that it's not one of those things I can chalk up to being naturally good at. Thanks to Kristen and Aubrie for coming with me and not trying to scoot away as I did my hip shakin'. The next time we do it, let's try to not schedule it so early in the a.m. I think that's why I didn't do as well. ;) (yeah right)

Trying to change what I can..

As you may have gathered, I have been working at losing weight. The weight I gained when I got married. Since January, I have been trying to whittle away at the substantial amount of weight. It's a battle, and for as hard as I'm working, I keep expecting to lose it quicker. One thing is for sure, once it's off, there is no way I am letting myself get back there. It's just not worth it. Plus I feel an amazing amount better when I eat right and exercise. Blah, blah, blah Caity.. get to the point.

The point. It's really hard work to lose weight, and even harder to look like society tells us to. I have talked about this before, but I feel really strongly about it. Maybe with this post, I can try to find ways to actually change, instead of just talking/whining about it. Why do I walk down the street and have feelings of insecurity? Why do I walk into a party full of skinny girls and suddenly feel inadequate? Why are the first thoughts racing through my mind when I get dressed in the morning, "Oh man, I don't look that great.. how come I can't be skinnier, prettier, better?"

It's horrible isn't it? Now guys may be thinking "What's the big deal? Who cares what you look like?" Well guys, step into girl world.

Girl's face what the media tells us all girls should look like. Are your upper legs touching? Are your clothes in fashion? Are your teeth white enough? You wear a size what in jeans?

A long while ago, while I was still single, and was a size 10. A perfectly healthy size. (And believe me, I would love to be a size 10 right now!) I was walking with my friend who also was perfectly healthy, and might I add gorgeous? We were in the middle of talking when a jeep drove past, filled with young guys. Screaming at the top of their lungs. "Lose some weight!" and kept driving.

I still vividly remember that. It still haunts me. Still get a twinge of hurt from it. Especially now, when I'm bigger than I was then. I'm sure these boys had no idea of how hurtful that was for me and my friend. How we sat silent for a second and felt the venom of their words. I can't help but think that they had an idea of what was beautiful to them. Maybe they only dated girls that were size 2 and under. There was a "club" of boys from my high school that had that rule. Or maybe they were used to seeing movie stars and models that looked different than us. It makes me incredibly sad to think that these boys aren't understanding how hard it is to be that small for most girls. How a lot of what the media is showing you is airbrushed, false, and unhealthy.

I don't mean to be on a soapbox, I really don't. I just think things like feeling good about yourself and having a positive outlook on yourself is really important. There are girls every day being born and raised in homes where mother's tell them they need to be skinny, instead of stressing self confidence and loving yourself.

I want to be part of the change. I struggle every day. Did you hear that? EVERY day. With insecurity. From the morning when I wake up and put on my clothes, through out the whole day, and when I go to bed thinking about how I could be better. How I need to lose more weight. And I would bet money I'm not alone. I bet there are plenty of other girls with the same or worse insecurities. I know there are. Most of my girl friends at one time or another have told me about them.

Some might say I am being extreme. That I am the minority. Not all girls think this way. And they might be right. I know a handful of girls who are extremely healthy about how they look at themselves. But each of those girls also feel like there is pressure for them to be a whole lot skinnier.

How do we change this? I'm not sure. Maybe by stopping the backhanded compliments. "Wow! You look like you have lost sooo much weight! Seriously you must have lost a ton!" No one wants to feel like they were an elephant. Or "Wow, how much did you lose?" Or even, "You've lost weight.. {insert awkward silence} What happened to the good old fashioned "Wow, you look great."?

Maybe a change could be made by encouraging children to eat healthy and by being active with them. Not saying things about their weight, and expecting them to find a way to handle that. That's how eating disorders are bred. Maybe we could help children eat healthier and educate them. Encourage them to play outside, or enroll them in a Karate class or soccer. And you know what? If they are huge, and unhealthy, and not willing to be active.. I still strongly believe it's vitally important to help them realize they are still AMAZING, and loved, and have so many great qualities. That they can still have confidence in themselves.

Maybe we as girls could stop buying those magazines that display sickeningly emaciated girls. Maybe we could find beauty in an individuals personality and not just their looks. Maybe at the next party or function you go to, you could remind yourself to compliment someone on their humor, or their friendliness. Maybe you could focus on what these people are saying and not worry about how you don't look as good as them. One of the best compliments I have received was "Caity, I feel like I have known you for years. You are so easy to be myself around, it's comfortable being with you." Looks fade. Money comes and goes. I think it's more important to realize our self worth.

My biggest goal right now is to realize that everyone has flaws. Every girl is probably so focused on their flaws that they aren't even looking at yours. And if they are, who needs 'em? I don't. I surround myself with friends who love me for me. Who aren't friends with me, because of my looks, my money, or my possessions.

I know this sounds silly, but I really think if we as girls woke up every morning and thought about our good qualities, and what we could do to buoy each other up. The world would be improved just a smidge.

I am all for being healthy. For looking great. For taking care of ourselves. For complimenting beauty inside and out. But I am also all for cutting yourself some slack, and realizing no one is perfect. Realizing that it's more important to be a good person, a giving, kind, friendly person than being really skinny, really rich, really pretty. I encourage all of us girls to try a little harder to change this horrible stigma.

You don't have to comment, but I would love to hear what you think. Or ideas you have to improve.

circuit training @ six in the morning sounds suspiciously like torture.

jessica and i went to a fitness class this morning at 6 a.m.

causing both of us to wake up around 5:15 a.m.

found out there are actually people up that early. ( i just kept thinking "don't you people know you could be in bed right now?")

my body is now jello, am scared for the soreness that will seize my body tomorrow.

you know you're up too early when you go to kiss your husband goodbye, and he says "Mm, goodnight."

I have a fun house mirror in my bedroom.

Why is it that when I look in the mirror I'm not seeing this?

Why is it that I walk out of the house and suddenly feel like I'm on display and people are seeing this?

And why do I have the feeling that if I were a guy I would think I looked more like this??


Seriously guys, whats your secret? And while we're on the topic, how is it that us women lose 5 pounds in a month and all you have to do is decide you're going to lose weight and you instantly drop 15 lbs? Ah, the mysteries of the universe.

To make your own work of art click here.

Diet Confusion

Yesterday I may have celebrated about going down a pants size by buying new pants.. I may have also had some chocolate cake while watching the Biggest Loser. Maybe I don't quite understand how this diet thing works..

Diet Goggles? Check.

Have you ever noticed when you are dieting things are a little different? Like you will walk into a store, hear a show tune, and when you look over to see where it's coming from, you see a yummy little chocolate cupcake singing with a top hat and cane.

Yes, I know it isn't really happening, but things are different when you're dieting. I call this putting on your diet goggles.

It's like you are taking off into space. You're on a mission. You're going to lose that weight.. Stretchy workout pants? Check. Fat rolls? Check. Diet goggles? Check.

Now you're wearing these goggles that are letting you see things you wouldn't normally see. Like skinny girls crawling out of the wood work and you start comparing your body to theirs.. donuts start sprouting legs and somehow jump into your cart at the grocery store. It's madness. It makes things way harder. I swear every commercial on t.v. is for fast food when I have my goggles on.

Now, I'm just wishing I had a diet sting ray gun to fight off the darned temptations. Mr. chocolate cake.. I'm talking to you.

So..

..my sister was telling me about an article she read in some magazine this weekend. It was about 90210 and how much difference there is in weight when you compare the old and new one. I just wanted to let you know that I had absolutely no idea about this article when I wrote my previous post on weight. I hate when people copy things and don't give credit, so I just wouldn't want anyone to think that I would do that without giving credit to the source. Just a weird coincidence. Thought I would clear that up. :) Thanks.

Gotta Sec?

One of my Christmas presents this year was the second season of 90210. I consider it one of my guilty pleasures. It's incredibly cheesy and after each episode I feel as if I have watched an after school special. The clothes and hairdo's are classic 80's fabulous. But there's something else I love about it..

The girls in this show actually have healthy bodies. HIPS. Imagine that! A show with females that look like you and me. Novel isn't it?

I don't know when this..


became this..

But I don't like it. I'm sorry, but I believe girls should have curves. I find it hard to believe that this is healthy..


Now, I can't be sure. Perhaps these girls are naturally skinny. But I think we can all agree that most women do not have these bodies. What I think t.v. isn't showing us, and what us women aren't remembering is that according to the National Center for Health Statistics, the average weight for an adult female in the United States is: 162.9 pounds

That's right 163 pounds! (I'm rounding up, to make myself feel better!) (Another small fact is that the average women's pants size is 12)

Don't get me wrong, I completely believe you should be healthy. I think every woman is different and I think that some people are naturally skinny (I hate them :) But I also think that t.v., models, magazines, actresses, etc.. are telling us as women to be abnormally skinny. Seriously, ABNORMALLY.

I guess what I am getting at is this. I think we all talk and talk about this, and how unfair it is. But little old me is going to do something about it. Granted something small, but still something. I am choosing to not buy magazines that encourage a ridiculous body image. I choose not to watch shows that aren't helping my self esteem. That showcase unhealthiness.

What?!!! Caity, are you crazy? Some shows on t.v. are so funny! They are awesome! I know, I know. And believe me, I haven't always chosen to do this. I have been a a big fan of the O.C. Unfortunately I think some of my self esteem is based off how I feel after watching these shows. I will find myself thinking afterward.. wow, I need to lose weight. Or I feel depressed thinking I will never look like these girls.

I am sure some girls say it doesn't affect them in that way, and maybe it doesn't. But I would wager money that it doesn't help you have a healthy body image. So I choose to not support this. I don't want my kids growing up comparing themselves to these bizarro t.v. personalities. So maybe if enough of us stop supporting this, our kids won't have to.

I was flying home from Washington and thinking to myself how different life would be if we all looked identical and the only thing that was distinguishable in all of us was our personality. How very very different Hollywood would look, how different life would be.

Anyway, off my soap box I go, just thought I would start my New Year on a realistic note. What do you think? Anybody agree or disagree, I would love to hear opinions.

2009 resolutions..

In an effort to make my resolutions happen this year..

I plan on posting a picture every day on my sidebar --------->
of how I am making it happen. I don't have the courage or the drive to make another blog devoted to my weight loss. But am hoping this will spur me and help me remember. Just thought I would fill you in on why there are random pictures appearing.

Wish me luck on my quest to find the body I had when I first got married. It's in here somewhere.. I just seemed to have misplaced it...

cake > apple

I think it should be illegal to bake any time after 10 p.m. Let me explain.. when someone (we won't say who) is trying to eat healthy and a little less, not to mention hop on over to the gym daily, is going to bed (a little hungry) and smells the aroma of cake cooking.. (it might make her a little crazy)

So please upstairs neighbors cook broccoli at ten, not yummy smelling baked goods. It makes (this person) roll over in the middle of the night, nudge her husband and offer him a million dollars to get her a donut. (and that husband may have groggily told her to go eat an apple.)

Alien Abduction

An alien invaded my body yesterday. You always hear about this on t.v. and a guy with no teeth and suspenders is telling the story. Well today I am telling you that an alien took over my body.

My only evidence is that yesterday I woke up at 5:00 a.m. (THAT'S RIGHT I SAID FIVE A.M.) Went into my kitchen and ate Cream of Wheat (shocking considering all I usually have for breakfast is a Diet and rhymes with Poke) then I filled up my water bottle (with water) and changed into my gym clothes and headed for the gym. Not only did I go to the gym, but I actually worked out. (I can tell because I am mighty sore today.)

After the gym I went home, showered, did my hair and put on makeup. Usually I struggle to even open my eyes before I go to work, let alone put mascara on them. But it doesn't stop there. For the rest of the day I ate healthy, drank tons of water and even got to bed by 9:00 p.m. I don't think that's happened since I was ten.

So I told the alien to feel free to invade my body whenever it felt like it. But when I woke up today the alarm clock said 7:30 and I rushed to work with my hair pulled up, not a stitch of makeup and a diet coke in hand. So if any of you kooky early risers have an alien you want to recommend or send my way..

Sometimes I think...

..if I were a super hero, food would be my weakness. Yes, just as Kryptonite repels Superman, a cheese burger, fries, chocolate (well you get the idea) could lead to my demise if used properly..

Sweet!

Right now while I am trying to watch what I eat my body seems to be wanting sweets even more! So when I came across these low calorie treats I thought I would share. And look how cute they are!

Teeny Tiny Swirl Lollipop's look here (56 calories)

Emily's Chocolate-Covered Fortune Cookie (69 calories)
BakedNYC marshmallows (50 calories for two)

Gym Rat

(got this little guy here)

Joined 24 Hour Fitness. Went to this gym for the first time last night. Worked out my legs and they are a wee bit shaky today. Trying a Pilate's class tonight, my body may be hating me tomorrow! I guess this makes me an official gym rat.

thwarted!

How am I supposed to lose weight when everyday this in my line of vision?! Dang that candy always thwarts me!

Caity's Weight Loss Program

Last month I was sitting in a class and I had an epiphany. I realized that the way I would be inspired to lose weight would be if I gave myself little rewards for my work. So every ten pounds I lose I get a piece of an outfit. When I reach my goal, I should have a complete outfit, and be looking rockin' in it. So far I have reached my first goal. What did this Banana Republic treasure cost me? Ten pounds baby.