Tuesday, August 18, 2009

We got game.

Like I said yesterday, all of us were hit on in Wendover. We attribute this mainly to the booze. But partly to the fact that we are awesome people who.. got game. Okay, who are we kidding? It was the alcohol.

Like when Bonnie and I were dancing and a very drunk man kept edging closer and closer. And I kept dancing further, and further away. His drunken dancing could only be explained as a chicken dance. While on the dance floor we locked eyes for just a moment. Him flapping his arms and legs wildly, me awestruck by the dancing and the loudly striped collared shirt. Well you can guess what happened next.. Bonnie and I quickly exited the dance floor.

Or when Bob was innocently standing there and a random drunk girl walked by and mumbled something to the effect of "You're hotty hot."

The sheer fact that Jon was holding a baby, had women swarming him. "Awe look at the cute baby!".. as they looked at Jon.

My favorite part of the night was when Bonnie was waiting for me outside the restroom, and a dirty hippie guy cornered her. He drunkenly asked her if her friends had abandoned her too. She politely told him she was waiting for her girlfriend in the bathroom. He, then said "Oh I didn't know you swung that way." (Even though Bonnie has meant girl-friend, as an actual girl that was her friend, saw the opportunity and snatched it.)

"Yes, I do. She's my girl friend." Cue me coming out of the bathroom and laughing as I see she is being hit on. As I came up to her, she greeted me with "Hello honey", and quickly whispered for me to hold her hand and walk away.

As we walked away I quietly asked why we were holding hands. "Because that guy thinks we're dating." Me, wondering how he had gotten that impression said, "Oh okay." (Then she filled me in.) We were laughing so hard our stomachs hurt.

But the best and last pick up line of the night came from a Canadian man. Who was he picking up? Ella. Or "Elly" as he was so plastered he could hardly remember his own name.

Bob, Jon, and Ella were waiting outside for Bonnie and me to get back from the bathroom. When a very drunk couple came up to them and said "Oh what a cute baby!" (At that point they might have thought Bob and Jon "swung that way", because it was just the two of them.) When Bonnie and I showed up, this very (very) drunk Canadian man was crouched down to see into the car seat. Poor Ella dealing with the alcohol breath.

The conversation went as follows..

Canadian Man: (and just to let you know, the only reason why I am referring to him as Canadian, is because every two minutes he would mention it.)

"What's her name?"

Bonnie: "Ella"

Canadian Man: "Oh Elly, don't you want to come home with me to Canada?" It's free health care, you could get sick whenever you want."

Ella: "confused silence"

Canadian Man: "Elly, you're a doll, Elly, Elly, Elly."

Ella: "has stopped looking at the strange man, and is now looking around for her mother."

Canadian Man: "Hey, look over there!" "Quick, put her in your purse! (saying to the very drunk woman next to him.. that had grown annoyed with him and wanted to go inside.)

Ella: "hiding under her blanket" (honestly, she was pulling her blanket over her head.. I assume to escape the alcohol stench.)

This conversation goes on for about ten more minutes. (10 full minutes) and then finally the girl he is with, literally pulls him away, and says to stop bugging the baby.

But before he leaves he has to tell us one more time that he is in fact from Canada, and that he would happily take her with him, and asks "Elly" if she wants to come live in Canada with him, and that they have the best health care system in the world.

Oh and I forgot the best part. Right before he left, he told Ella that if she wanted to come with him to Canada, he would teach her all about the drugs they have there. Like the pot, and the cocaine. That's when we started smiling nicely and headed to the car.


Heather said...

Oh so when Ella's first word is Eh and is in love with the maple leaf who shall i blame bonnie or you? Next time tell her to drop her off, she has free babysitting and its much cheaper than the therapy they will be paying for down the road....

MisterE said...

Classic, love the story with you and Bonnie! I too laughed until it hurt when I read it. As for the helath care system in Canada, trust me Ella is better off here.

Jess said...

I can see it all happening! Laughing. so. hard!

Ida Nielsen said...

This story cracks me up. Too funny!! I love unexpected weekends, it's so much more fun than if it was planned.

Ida Nielsen said...

^^^^oops, I meant 'unexpected weekend FUN' ;-)

Demara said...

oh dear. I'm Canadian...but I live on the non alcoholic part of the country!!! lol in fact I married a Canadian who has NEVER even tried alcohol before!

But THAT Canadian man WAS right about our health care system, it IS the best!!

As for the drugs...I have no idea...all I know is that there is probably less crime here because of them than in the States...that's just my hunch though.

Oh and I heard that pot may be legalized soon here. The smell of it makes me sick to my stomach...I think I'm allergic! seriously...nasty stuff. Our neighbors have a 5 month old and smoke cigarettes as well as pot from time to time...GROSE...is all I have to say. But hey we are moving and I'm SO excited!!! :D