March 2010

Oh March, you fickle little month. One minute the weather is nearly perfect, and the next blustery snow storms are a happenin'. Still this month was nice. It got us outdoors, and on outings. We even snuck a road trip in there.

New little babies arrived. Bob's sister Donna had her first. Madelaine. Can't wait to get up to Idaho to meet her in person. And my cousin Sommer had a little baby boy. Fisher Gerome. Named after my Grandaddy who passed in February.

The end of this month also marks three months of my new lifestyle of eating healthier and working out. I have to say I love how I feel, and am happy with my progress. Goodbye March, see you in 2011. Hello April, I hope you brought Spring with you.

Saturday Hiking

Our Saturday included a healthy lunch and a hike to Ensign Peak. I love this hike, because of the great views all around you.

We found out who the trail blazers were, and who maybe needed a bit more stamina. (I'll give you a hint. I was in the back of the pack "taking pictures" that's code for, "Hey you guys go on ahead, I'll catch up, I just want to take a picture.".. a.k.a "I maybe need to stop for a sec and catch my breath."


We hung out at the top for a little while and played around and took pictures.

After our hike we played with Jovie (Bonnie and Jon's dog) at Memory Grove. Then had a not so healthy dinner. I got to try my very first deep dish pizza.

Thanks to everyone who came and made the day so fun. We are trying to hike every Saturday, so if anyone wants to join us, let me know.

Fisher Gerome

My cousin Sommer had her little "Fisher Man", and at ten days old I got to go over and shoot some pictures for his announcement. I fell in love.

Trying to change what I can..

As you may have gathered, I have been working at losing weight. The weight I gained when I got married. Since January, I have been trying to whittle away at the substantial amount of weight. It's a battle, and for as hard as I'm working, I keep expecting to lose it quicker. One thing is for sure, once it's off, there is no way I am letting myself get back there. It's just not worth it. Plus I feel an amazing amount better when I eat right and exercise. Blah, blah, blah Caity.. get to the point.

The point. It's really hard work to lose weight, and even harder to look like society tells us to. I have talked about this before, but I feel really strongly about it. Maybe with this post, I can try to find ways to actually change, instead of just talking/whining about it. Why do I walk down the street and have feelings of insecurity? Why do I walk into a party full of skinny girls and suddenly feel inadequate? Why are the first thoughts racing through my mind when I get dressed in the morning, "Oh man, I don't look that great.. how come I can't be skinnier, prettier, better?"

It's horrible isn't it? Now guys may be thinking "What's the big deal? Who cares what you look like?" Well guys, step into girl world.

Girl's face what the media tells us all girls should look like. Are your upper legs touching? Are your clothes in fashion? Are your teeth white enough? You wear a size what in jeans?

A long while ago, while I was still single, and was a size 10. A perfectly healthy size. (And believe me, I would love to be a size 10 right now!) I was walking with my friend who also was perfectly healthy, and might I add gorgeous? We were in the middle of talking when a jeep drove past, filled with young guys. Screaming at the top of their lungs. "Lose some weight!" and kept driving.

I still vividly remember that. It still haunts me. Still get a twinge of hurt from it. Especially now, when I'm bigger than I was then. I'm sure these boys had no idea of how hurtful that was for me and my friend. How we sat silent for a second and felt the venom of their words. I can't help but think that they had an idea of what was beautiful to them. Maybe they only dated girls that were size 2 and under. There was a "club" of boys from my high school that had that rule. Or maybe they were used to seeing movie stars and models that looked different than us. It makes me incredibly sad to think that these boys aren't understanding how hard it is to be that small for most girls. How a lot of what the media is showing you is airbrushed, false, and unhealthy.

I don't mean to be on a soapbox, I really don't. I just think things like feeling good about yourself and having a positive outlook on yourself is really important. There are girls every day being born and raised in homes where mother's tell them they need to be skinny, instead of stressing self confidence and loving yourself.

I want to be part of the change. I struggle every day. Did you hear that? EVERY day. With insecurity. From the morning when I wake up and put on my clothes, through out the whole day, and when I go to bed thinking about how I could be better. How I need to lose more weight. And I would bet money I'm not alone. I bet there are plenty of other girls with the same or worse insecurities. I know there are. Most of my girl friends at one time or another have told me about them.

Some might say I am being extreme. That I am the minority. Not all girls think this way. And they might be right. I know a handful of girls who are extremely healthy about how they look at themselves. But each of those girls also feel like there is pressure for them to be a whole lot skinnier.

How do we change this? I'm not sure. Maybe by stopping the backhanded compliments. "Wow! You look like you have lost sooo much weight! Seriously you must have lost a ton!" No one wants to feel like they were an elephant. Or "Wow, how much did you lose?" Or even, "You've lost weight.. {insert awkward silence} What happened to the good old fashioned "Wow, you look great."?

Maybe a change could be made by encouraging children to eat healthy and by being active with them. Not saying things about their weight, and expecting them to find a way to handle that. That's how eating disorders are bred. Maybe we could help children eat healthier and educate them. Encourage them to play outside, or enroll them in a Karate class or soccer. And you know what? If they are huge, and unhealthy, and not willing to be active.. I still strongly believe it's vitally important to help them realize they are still AMAZING, and loved, and have so many great qualities. That they can still have confidence in themselves.

Maybe we as girls could stop buying those magazines that display sickeningly emaciated girls. Maybe we could find beauty in an individuals personality and not just their looks. Maybe at the next party or function you go to, you could remind yourself to compliment someone on their humor, or their friendliness. Maybe you could focus on what these people are saying and not worry about how you don't look as good as them. One of the best compliments I have received was "Caity, I feel like I have known you for years. You are so easy to be myself around, it's comfortable being with you." Looks fade. Money comes and goes. I think it's more important to realize our self worth.

My biggest goal right now is to realize that everyone has flaws. Every girl is probably so focused on their flaws that they aren't even looking at yours. And if they are, who needs 'em? I don't. I surround myself with friends who love me for me. Who aren't friends with me, because of my looks, my money, or my possessions.

I know this sounds silly, but I really think if we as girls woke up every morning and thought about our good qualities, and what we could do to buoy each other up. The world would be improved just a smidge.

I am all for being healthy. For looking great. For taking care of ourselves. For complimenting beauty inside and out. But I am also all for cutting yourself some slack, and realizing no one is perfect. Realizing that it's more important to be a good person, a giving, kind, friendly person than being really skinny, really rich, really pretty. I encourage all of us girls to try a little harder to change this horrible stigma.

You don't have to comment, but I would love to hear what you think. Or ideas you have to improve.

The Blind Date

Recently a single friend of mine was telling me about a bad blind date she had just gone on. While she was describing all the horror, she asked if she was the only one who ever gets set up on really bad blind dates? I had to laugh, and ask "Aren't most blind dates bad?" I mean come on. You don't know if there is any attraction ahead of time, and if the date goes bad there is an obligation to get through the entire date, so you don't offend the mutual friends involved. I know there are exceptions to the rule. But most of my friends have agreed blind dates, usually never go past the first date.

This got me thinking of one of my worst blind dates. When I was single, I was in a sorority. One of our activities was to get set up on a date with a guy from a fraternity. But it was at a party thing, so we could all just mingle, and see if we liked each other.

{Before I go on, I have to tell you that this kid was completely competent, and "normal". In no way was he handicapped or autistic. He was smart and with his fraternity brothers, was totally normal. I say this because if I were hearing the story I would think that maybe he had social problems or something. But no, no this kid was just plain odd when it came to girls and dating.}

The guy that was randomly selected for me was about two feet shorter than I was, and had hair like Spock. Now, I agree that attraction can grow. But I think you have to have some sort of initial attraction. Knowing there probably wasn't going to be a huge connection, I just figured I would have fun, and hang out with him, and hopefully gain a friend.

He said he wanted to go someplace where we could talk. So he took me into this room where no one else was, and sat me down and continued to talk (at me) for an entire 2 hours about himself. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I promise, I'm not. Seriously, he never asked me about myself. Not once. He told me his entire life story. And if I started saying something, he would cut me off, and go back to talking about himself. It got pretty annoying, but I decided to be polite, and listen. "It's just one night, and I didn't have to see him again." I told myself.

My sorority sisters would peek their heads in and try to save me by asking if the two of us wanted to come and hang out with them and their dates, but my date wouldn't hear of it. The only time I could get away, was to go to the bathroom. When I came back to say that it was nice to meet him, and I had to get home, he said okay, and then went on talking for another half hour.

Realizing that this kid wasn't going to shut up. And wasn't going to take any hints, I said "Hey, I have to go talk to my sorority sister about something. I went over to a group of my friends, and started relaying the nightmare. Suddenly I realized he was walking by the group and winking at me.

Not just a subtle wink either. All of my sorority sisters were wondering why a random guy was methodically walking to and fro, winking wildly. It sounds silly, but he would walk across the room, lock eyes with me, and wink. Then he would turn back and do the same thing again. He was seriously doing laps around the room trying to get my attention and wink at me.

When I came back to tell him goodbye, figuring he realized that this was NOT a love connection. I said, "Well it was nice meeting you." He said "Yeah, let's do it again soon." I just shrugged it off. He didn't know a thing about me. I mean he had to realize that it wasn't going to happen again. Right?

Wrong. Dead wrong. He called me the very next day. Me not knowing who it was, didn't answer. When he left the message it said he had a really fun time the other night and I seemed like a really cool girl (I don't know how he came to that conclusion since he didn't let me say a word about myself.) He said he really wanted to get together soon. And was wondering when could he take me out on a real date.

I know it's mean, but I tend to be an avoid-er, and I just decided to ignore his message. In the dating world, when you don't get back to someone, they usually get the hint. Not this guy. Nope. A week went by and then he called me again. His message said. Maybe you didn't get my message, but I really want to go on another date. And to call him back.

Once again, I just avoided it. Thinking it's a little harsh, but he will figure it out, and it would just hurt his feelings more to say I wasn't interested and then have to explain why. Then there was a third call, but no message.

A month or two went by and I was dating someone pretty seriously. We were at the Pie Pizzeria downtown with everyone from my boyfriend's work. When suddenly we hear from all the way across the restaurant. "HEY!" "HEY!" (If you have never been, this place is pretty loud, and they serve alcohol, so we didn't think much of it.) But it persisted, "HEY!" "HEY YOU!" Everyone in the place by then was looking at the person yelling, including us.

My jaw nearly dropped to the floor. It was the guy from the awful date. And he was yelling HEY! at me. Then he started yelling "YEAH, YOU!" "YOU NEVER CALLED ME BACK!" "WHO'S THAT GUY YOU'RE WITH?" "HEY!" "HEY, IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND?"

That's when I turned around and explained the situation to the table, and everyone agreed since we were finished with our meal, that we should just slip out quietly.

And luckily I never saw him again. I still laugh about it now. I mean, what was he doing screaming HEY! at me? Did he think I was going to yell back to him across the restaurant? He wanted to hold an hour long convo all the while screaming? I mean what was I going to yell back? "HEY! YEAH THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND, HE ACTUALLY LISTENS WHEN I TALK! HE ALSO DOESN'T HAVE HAIR LIKE SPOCK! OKAY, WELL IT WAS GOOD SCREAMING TO YOU! TELL YOUR MOM HI, AND I HOPE THE FAMILY IS DOING OKAY! I KNOW ALL ABOUT THEM SINCE YOU WOULDN'T STOP TALKING! OH AND DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME? PROBABLY NOT, THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU ARE SCREAMING HEY! HEY YOU!

This is the sort of experience that makes me happy I'm married, and never have to deal with the dating scene again. But on a side note, if anyone is interested in a short Trekkie, I know the perfect guy. I'm sure he's still single.

Our little travel buddy..

One of the funnest things about our trip was that we had this little one to pal around with us. (And who luckily is always willing to pose for me. And since Bob hates to be in front of the camera, I can practice on my little Ella Bean.)

Our trip through my lens..

Moab {Day Two}

The second day of our trip the weather soured. It was a rain storm, and when we reached a high enough elevation, it turned to snow. It was still beautiful and we were determined to enjoy the scenery. Bob had never been to Moab before, so we drove through Arches National Park and explored some of the various arches.

Then the weather died down, so we decided to hike to Delicate Arch. Ella was such a trooper. But as soon as we reached the top and the snow started again, she had had enough. So we raced down the trail.

At one point there was a ton of mud, and we were slipping so much that we didn't want Jon to fall with Ella, so he detoured off the path a bit. That's when a crazy lady stopped to tell us we were hurting Mother Nature, not even caring about the crying baby or the pile of mud. We all about punched her.

Then we hopped in the car, and drove home. It was a short trip, but very fun. It's always fun with the Hagen's though. Thanks again guys!

(When I asked Bob why he is always making weird faces at the camera, instead of just smiling like a normal person, he said "Caity, did you ever think my face is just normally weird?" He drives me crazy sometimes.)

Moab {Day One}

Jon needed Bob's help with a project down in Moab. So the boys were nice enough to invite the girls along. While Bob and Jon worked the first day, Bonnie, Ella, and I relaxed. (That doesn't seem too fair, does it?)

We worked out, went swimming, chillaxed in the jacuzzi, and shopped. It was a beautiful day. Blue skies, and just a slight breeze. We even had ice cream. I wished I would have brought my flip flops.

The boys joined us for lunch, and then that night we went to dinner at Zax, and ate, and ate, and ate. It was so yummy.

On a side note, while walking down main street, Ella found some friends. She REALLY didn't know what to think about them. She just kept staring and keeping an eye on them. What's funny is while we were taking this picture, the wind started blowing really hard and knocked this huge metal thing over and it scared us half to death. So now we say the life-sized dolls outside the market are haunted.